I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
