if you like me you must not know who I am
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
