We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
