no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
