Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
