physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
