I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
