I'm eating all of the evidence.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
