why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
