We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
