great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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