Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
