Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
