My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
