dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
