is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She needs sedatives and a leash
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
