How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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