i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
