Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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