i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
