she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
