Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
