i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
