AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
