after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize