need another drink. this is the easiest way
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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