I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
