It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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