Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
