Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
