I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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