Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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