Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
