we have officially lost it.
The best revenge is premature balding
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
