ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
