I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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