Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
