what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
