Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize