no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
