think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
