you didnt know i had herpes?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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