my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
