I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
