Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
