she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
