I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I want is dick and wine.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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