I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
