Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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