Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
