i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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