Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize