she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
