there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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