i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
