im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
