I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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