I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
