birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
