went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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