Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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