I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
