dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
