i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
