I want to have your abortion
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize