I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You are the jesus of drinking
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
