Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
