Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
