I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize