i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
