You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
