i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
