I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
