just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
