Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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