I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
