oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
