Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize