I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
