you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Mom said you looked used
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
