take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
