Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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