So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
