My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it hurts more in the daytime
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
