So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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