I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
