The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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