The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So vagazzling was a success
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
