3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
