Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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