Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
