i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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